Rain! and Life

Well, rain is here folks! Yes, we in Southern California are getting rain! It is about time, 8-12 inches are suspected inland, which will be great! That meas that we probably won't have a fire season this year. Well, we can all hope for that anyways.

It is scary driving here, just because people still think they can go 70 in a 65 with rain and wind all over. Most people that live here experience light rain in the winter. It hasn't been like this in over 10 years! SLOW DOWN! But that makes me sound old... But really, I just don't want to die. I almost called in sick today so I wouldn't have to drive to work and be out and about as today is going to be the worst day of the storm.

Oh and I think my power steering belt is going out on my car... always something! But I don't have a car payment so that is all that matters as of right now.

I wanted to go to Santa Isabel or Julian this weekend to get pie and honey, but looks like that will be a no go. (not that I need the pie), but I just love it up there. I wish I could move up there. Actually, I wish we could move anywhere that wasn't in the dingy suburb of El Cajon, but we have a nice apartment, that is pretty tucked in, and I feel safe, I just am so tired of paying 1000 dollars a month to someone else! We could own our own house in MN for that much... and I was looking at jobs, and for what I am doing now, looks like I could be making 10,000 dollars more a year!

Yeah I know... but California has soooo much to offer... well, I am sick of California. I love Jon's family, and I love Jon, but that is the only reason why I haven't really pushed the issue of moving somewhere else. Plus Jon's job is so specialized that we would really have search for a job for him. Which I think the wouldn't want to do, and nearly all other jobs require a degree, which he doesn't want to go back and get, because well, he is very self educated and very smart and college life just would not suit him.

I should be getting my Associates Degree come February and if I wanted to walk that would be in May I believe. But I won't walk. I don't need to. When I graduate from a 4 year I will walk then. I have 4 more general classes to take before I will apply to SDSU because I can only take 2 classes a semester. So it is pointless to apply to SDSU when I can't go there yet. I can go there, but I don't want to take the classes through there...

I am sick of working, but that won't change. My job is boring and the same thing every day. I hate the same thing every day. Sometimes I wonder if I was meant to be a floater... I mean I hate the mundane life... yet I live it every day. I go home, I make dinner, I eat dinner, I watch a movie with my wonderful husband. But we do the same thing every night. I just wish there was more adventure.

You ever feel like that on the inside you want so much more, but on the outside your project that you are this boring person? Well I am not boring, I just am not being inspired here. I miss Mylynda... I miss our weekend get away trips we would take, just to take. I want to do that again. She would go to the Grand Canyon with me just for the weekend. Who cares if it is a waste of gas. We never did. Hell, we didn't care if we didn't have any money to spend once we got there, we just went. I MISS THAT! I MISS ADVENTURE!

So other than that, I have been feeling down lately about my appearance. I thought about joining the Navy Reserves, but the weight max for my height to enter is 154 pounds or 33% body fat... I don't know what my body fat is, but my weight is no where near that. You ever feel that it is so easy to get down on your self that you feel like giving up regardless of how much you know that you can do it? You get home and realize that the house is a mess, you need to clean and do stuff, but then you get home and you don't clean and you don't go to the gym and you end up being a bump on a log.

We don't need weight loss pills, what we need are energy pills, or motivation pills. Are those anti-depressants ha... yah I don't want to be on those...

I guess what I need are friends who are motivating... friends here that are motivating... I just don't really have them. And to be honest, I am not good at making friends, at least the ones that you keep. My guard is far too up, and I can't help but compare them all to Mylynda. Plus well, I am a flake... not on purpose, but I forget we had plans and make different ones, or I say we should hang out and I make excuses to not hang out because of laziness... I have a lot of working out to do with me. And I will change, I just need to. If I am going to make a home here in California I need to branch out and lower my guard... I am just tired of getting my hopes up and being disappointed, so I have just lost all want to make friends... that totally eliminates getting hurt right? Now if I could just motivate myself...

Anywho, I just thought I would share where I am at. As far as I know, Jon and I are doing great! We love each other a lot and are looking forward to May to go to Yosemite! We get to go hiking every day, and we both love exploring! Well gotta go! Work is calling!

Love,
Jacque